Learning to Follow
In some ways, the things I’m doing to slow down could be considered a form of mindfulness.
And some days I’m more mindful than others. :-)
I have a sticky note on my monitor with the question, If I skip this, will it matter?
Unfortunately, this week I have a lot of things on my plate where the answer is yes. Which is probably at least one of the reasons I’ve been struggling with feeling overwhelmed already, and it’s only Tuesday morning.
I mean, it’s not the only reason. But when you’re already dealing with some emotional disequlibrium, it doesn’t take as much to feel that way.
So last night I weeded even more off my list. Things I could answer the question with “not as much” or “not if it waits.”
It helped.
You know what else helped? Spending the last ten minutes looking at the wall of the El Arroyo Tex-Mex restaurant on Instagram. I mean, laughing usually helps, amiright?
So does coffee. :-)
Lately, I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions about my goals and what kind of life I want to live. Maybe it’s part of being forty-five. I mean, I’m at the stage where my kids are growing up and planning the next stages of their lives, and I’m trying to give them advice, but inside I’m like, “I don’t know, kid. I haven’t got anything figured out yet either.”
I mean, that’s not strictly true, it just feels like that some days. I guess this is what a mid-life crisis feels like?
But who really does have anything figured out? I think that’s the problem—when we spend our time looking at others, at the polished image they present to the world, it looks like they all have their ducklings in a row, and they’re walking confidently into traffic like they have some kind of invisible force field that will let them reach their destination unscathed.
Image by Vlad Tchompalov @tchompalov, courtesy of Unsplash.
Which, ironically, is a strategy that seems to work out pretty well for the ducks most of the time, since most humans will go to great lengths to make sure they get safely to the other side.
I feel like there’s some kind of life lesson there, but I hesitate to read too much into it…
But as I chewed on that, I remembered the time when Jesus looked out over Jerusalem and lamented that he often wanted to gather its people to him like a mother hen protecting her chicks.
Maybe my real problem is I keep trying to be the confident mama who is leading her babies where they need to go, when what I need to do for now is just nestle in under the wings of my protector and follow along.
Because guess who actually knows where we’re going? Yep, Jesus. So instead of watching the images others present and trying to emulate them, I need to keep my focus on him and where he wants to lead me.
In fact, maybe the overwhelm is from taking on things that were never mine to bear? From that dashed sense of over-responsibility I seem to have carried since childhood.
I mean, between sweet Mary sitting at Jesus’s feet and her busy sister Martha bustling around to make sure her guest was comfortable and taken care of while missing the opportunity to truly connect with him, I’ve always known which one was me.
But in my heart, I want to be more like Mary. I just often struggle with how to do that.
Laying down the burden of having it all together, of knowing what to do next, of the results I want to achieve… that’s one of the hardest things for me.
But it’s just the kind of mindfulness I need.
If I skip this, will it matter?
Yes. Because by skipping the things that don’t need to be done this second, I can slow down long enough to discover truths about others. And myself. And to make the connections I need to incorporate to truly have that life I want to live.
I’m still learning to say no more often, so I can say yes to the things that matter most.
And I feel like I’m one step closer than when this blog post began…
In case you didn’t have enough cuteness and reasons to smile yet this morning. Image by Meg Kannan @meghankannan4 courtesy of Unsplash.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
I needed that reminder today. Maybe you did too.
Happy Tuesday, friend. May you find your strength renewed today.
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